No Longer a Damaged Child

Years into my family estrangement, there were times when I felt blind-sighted by second-hand comments about me from others, which originated from my family of origin. The walls of my protective cocoon burst like a bubble and I wondered with exasperation, “Will there ever be a time in my life when I feel safe and free of this pain.”

Deep down, I was still a damaged child who longed for the love and approval I never received from my mother. I wanted my Mom to replace the bad internal messages she had instilled within me with good internal messages.

For most of my adult life, I viewed my mother as more powerful. Whenever I heard her negative comments about me, I felt like the powerless child I used to be.

The day finally came when I realized that I could - and should replace the negative messages myself (January 1, Self-Parenting Post). With the help of many friends, I changed the majority voice I heard in my head from that of abuse to that of love.

It took healing enough to no longer feel like a damaged child, but rather a strong, quietly powerful woman in order for my mother’s comments to no longer injure me.