God, Why Have You Abandoned Me?

"I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I believe that today - but there was a time......

I felt so hurt and alone, I ached for some sort of physical evidence of God's love for me. Had He abandoned me too?

Sometimes, survivors tell me that they feel abandoned by God; or, that they have a hard time believing that God cares about what has happened to them. My heart always breaks when I hear these stories. I have been there.

I think it is natural for survivors of faith to feel abandoned by God, especially since so many people have turned away from us and/or abandoned us in our time of need. When I felt physically and emotionally alone, it was hard for me to imagine that I wasn't spiritually alone as well. So much of God's Love comes in the form of messages from the people that He sends to us. Sometimes I felt so wounded, that it was hard for me to recognize these people and/or messages.

Every so often, when I shared my pain with someone they would simply say, "God is with you." This statement didn't seem to be enough; it often left me feeling all alone.

I know I'm not the only one who has felt this way... Even Christ wondered if what was happening to Him mattered to God. In Matthew 27:46, Jesus cries out with a loud shout, "My God, My God, why have you abandoned me?"

My minister once told me that when I feel alone, I should visualize Christ on the cross. In the human sense, He was completely alone. Yet, He was not alone. God was with His beloved Child.

Visualizing Christ, suffering alone, but not alone, gave me the strength to feel God's presence meeting me right where I am......

I felt God's presence when after years of "not being able to feel," He blessed me with healing tears to wash away the pain.

I felt overwhelming gratitude when He sent people who were willing to bear witness to my pain!

Sometimes, I wrapped myself in a blanket and imagined God's unconditional love surrounding me like giant hands tenderly holding me, loving me, and keeping me safe.

I felt awe when His promise came within reach.......

I do have hope!
I do have a future!