Were You Expecting to arrive at Heal and Forgive? If so you were re-directed to my new blog.

The Heal and Forgive blog was born out of the publication of my first book, “Heal and Forgive.” I am happy that the blog has been helpful to a robust readership.

After my publisher recently went out of business the book was re-released under the title, “Mother, I Don’t Forgive You,” which is more in keeping with the premise of the book. I decided to re-title my blog along with the book.

I hope you will continue to peruse the posts and join in on the various discussions including our right as survivors to decide our own healing journey, with or without forgiveness.

The back story on the title change can be found on the post directly below:

Featured Post

Mother, I Don’t Forgive You – Why the Book and Blog Were Re-Titled

In 1992, after nearly a decade of trying desperately to forgive my mother, my life was spinning out of control.   Not only had I failed at f...

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Progress vs. Pain Free

When it comes to healing from childhood abuse and/or family estrangement, it was hard for me to recognize my progress, especially when I was still in pain.

Sometimes, I'd feel triggered by a certain event and I'd despair, "Will I ever heal? Will I always be in pain?" It didn't dawn on me that I viewed healing as all or nothing. As long as I experienced any pain I failed to notice my progress.

Many years ago, after a period of hopelessness, I realized that I was indeed making progress. I could measure my progress in terms of years. Where am I compared to fifteen years ago?...Five years ago?...and one year ago? The answer, of course, was: "In a much better place."

I could see that each time I "hit" a patch of pain, I was healing at a deeper level. Sometimes, my feelings may have been the same, but I was not the same!

When I began to focus on my progress vs. being pain free, it restored my energy and gave me renewed hope!
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11 comments:

  1. MaryMarch 21, 2009 at 3:43 PM

    Wow that is just how I have been feeling lately. My depression on a scale of 10 is 0, and I have been having all those feelings, the triggers seem to take over., I feel hopeless, and I don't think I will ever get over it, I feel so much despair right now, and my family members are really worried about me, I am trying to hide it but doesn't seem to work...Great post..hugss Mary

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  2. healandforgiveMarch 21, 2009 at 3:47 PM

    Hi Mary,

    I'm really sorry you are "in that place" right now. I know that place. It is a tough place to be.

    And yet .... there is hope for the future!

    Hugs to you too!
    Nancy

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  3. Michele RosenthalMarch 22, 2009 at 3:08 PM

    Oh, what a fabulous thing to highlight!! I had the same experience -- we are in so much pain we want all or nothing healing. But we come to learn that it's some or anything that creeps us closer and closer to wellness.

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  4. healandforgiveMarch 23, 2009 at 8:18 AM

    Michelle,

    Thanks for your comments and for sharing a bit of your experience as well!

    It always helps to give other survivors hope!

    ReplyDelete
  5. mile191March 23, 2009 at 8:22 AM

    you really are a beautiful writer, and emulate so much strength. you have written tears into my eyes this morning. I am working on collecting thoughts today that help me. may I use some of yours??

    hugs. thanks for the strength...

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  6. healandforgiveMarch 23, 2009 at 8:27 AM

    Of course you may!

    Your comments touched me deeply and stirred feelings of great empathy in me.

    Warmly ~ Nancy

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  7. mile191July 14, 2009 at 11:56 PM

    Nancy. I remember this post, and how it was what I needed back in March. Thank you for the great invitation to read it again by submitting it to blog carnival. I will be using it. Thanks, mile191

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  8. Marj aka ThriverJuly 18, 2009 at 9:22 AM

    I am so glad you let us use this for THE BLOG CARNIVAL AGAINST CHILD ABUSE. I think I must have missed this post before. It is excellent! I really needed this reminder, as I am in a lot of pain with some new memories I'm processing right now. But...there has been so much progress. Thanks for this post!

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  9. healandforgiveJuly 18, 2009 at 10:03 AM

    Hi Marj

    I'm sorry to hear that you are processing some new stuff right now. It always sucks!

    my best...

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  10. Patricia SingletonAugust 2, 2009 at 2:25 PM

    Our healing is like peeling an onion. You peel one layer and another is waiting to be peeled, only this next layer is on a deeper level, closer to your center where you will find balance and pain-free days and maybe even years. Like with the onion, some of these layers come with tears and awful smells.

    ReplyDelete
  11. healandforgiveAugust 2, 2009 at 4:57 PM

    Patricia - So true!

    ReplyDelete

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