Gaslighting

Gaslight

4. to cause (a person) to doubt his or her sanity through the use of psychological manipulation.

“Gaslight.” Dictionary.com, Dictionary.com, www.dictionary.com/browse/gaslight.

I remember the freedom I felt when a therapist told me I dissociate and again when I learned I had PTSD.  Identifying these problems opened the door to solutions. 

Similarly, after the first edition of Mother, I Don’t Forgive You came out in 2005, a reviewer opened his analysis with his definition of scapegoating. In a couple of short sentences, he clearly explained and labeled a concept I had spent years trying to describe.  What a relief!  

As a young adult, I used to refer to myself as a scapegoat, but I couldn't succinctly describe to others what the term meant. The reviewer not only defined the expression, but he also validated that scapegoating was a universally recognized behavior, and gave me the gift that I was not alone in my experience! These realizations helped me heal at a deeper level and aided me in writing my second book.

This past month, during the final proofread of Mother, It's Hard to Forgive You: Ridding Myself of the Family Scapegoat Mantle, the reader offered her dismay at the extent in which I was gaslighted.   

Holy cow! I thought. Once again, someone quickly and succinctly summed up my life experience with one word: gaslit!

As recently as last September, during an interview, I tried to describe how frightened and off-balance I felt when dealing with the crazy-making scenarios my family used against me.  As an example of how I experience these situations, I used a story about a 1950s movie I saw when I was a kid. 

The story synopsis: When a man had suspicious reasons to get rid of his wife, he arranged for a doctor to declare her insane.  When men in white uniforms arrive at their house to take her away, she is unable to convince them of her sound mental health and becomes hysterical. Then her husband chimes in, “See, she is crazy!”  and they drag her away in a straight jacket. 

When I was done with the movie synopsis, I didn't feel like I was clear or succinct about the psychological warfare my family imposed on me. 

After the proofreader gifted me with another term that so clearly described my experience, once again, I felt relief. I can now explain this part of my history simply: I was gaslighted!