Were You Expecting to arrive at Heal and Forgive? If so you were re-directed to my new blog.

The Heal and Forgive blog was born out of the publication of my first book, “Heal and Forgive.” I am happy that the blog has been helpful to a robust readership.

After my publisher recently went out of business the book was re-released under the title, “Mother, I Don’t Forgive You,” which is more in keeping with the premise of the book. I decided to re-title my blog along with the book.

I hope you will continue to peruse the posts and join in on the various discussions including our right as survivors to decide our own healing journey, with or without forgiveness.

The back story on the title change can be found on the post directly below:

Featured Post

Mother, I Don’t Forgive You – Why the Book and Blog Were Re-Titled

In 1992, after nearly a decade of trying desperately to forgive my mother, my life was spinning out of control.   Not only had I failed at f...

Saturday, February 24, 2018

Gaslighting



Gaslight

4. to cause (a person) to doubt his or her sanity through the use of psychological manipulation.
“Gaslight.” Dictionary.com, Dictionary.com, www.dictionary.com/browse/gaslight.

I remember the freedom I felt when a therapist told me I dissociate and again when I learned I had PTSD.  Identifying these problems opened the door to solutions. 

Similarly, after the first edition of Mother, I Don’t Forgive You came out in 2005, a reviewer opened his analysis with his definition of scapegoating. In a couple of short sentences, he clearly explained and labeled a concept I had spent years trying to describe.  What a relief!  

As a young adult, I used to refer to myself as a scapegoat, but I couldn't succinctly describe to others what the term meant. The reviewer not only defined the expression, but he also validated that scapegoating was a universally recognized behavior, and gave me the gift that I was not alone in my experience! These realizations helped me heal at a deeper level and aided me in writing my second book.

This past month, during the final proofread of Mother, It's Hard to Forgive You: Ridding Myself of the Family Scapegoat Mantle, the reader offered her dismay at the extent in which I was gaslighted.   

Holy cow! I thought. Once again, someone quickly and succinctly summed up my life experience with one word: gaslit!

As recently as last September, during an interview, I tried to describe how frightened and off-balance I felt when dealing with the crazy-making scenarios my family used against me.  As an example of how I experience these situations, I used a story about a 1950s movie I saw when I was a kid. 

The story synopsis: When a man had suspicious reasons to get rid of his wife, he arranged for a doctor to declare her insane.  When men in white uniforms arrive at their house to take her away, she is unable to convince them of her sound mental health and becomes hysterical. Then her husband chimes in, “See, she is crazy!”  and they drag her away in a straight jacket. 

When I was done with the movie synopsis, I didn't feel like I was clear or succinct about the psychological warfare my family imposed on me. 

After the proofreader gifted me with another term that so clearly described my experience, once again, I felt relief. I can now explain this part of my history simply: I was gaslighted!


2 comments:

  1. Hi Nancy,
    I have just entered my fifth year of going no contact with my family after a similar experience growing up - being undermined and manipulated to the extreme.
    Thank you for sharing this.
    Forgiveness Principles

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Bren,

    My apologies. Somehow I missed your comment during moderation.

    Thank you for stopping by and sharing your experience. I know how tough it is go no-contact even when necessary.

    All my best to you on your continued journey!

    Nancy

    ReplyDelete