Were You Expecting to arrive at Heal and Forgive? If so you were re-directed to my new blog.

The Heal and Forgive blog was born out of the publication of my first book, “Heal and Forgive.” I am happy that the blog has been helpful to a robust readership.

After my publisher recently went out of business the book was re-released under the title, “Mother, I Don’t Forgive You,” which is more in keeping with the premise of the book. I decided to re-title my blog along with the book.

I hope you will continue to peruse the posts and join in on the various discussions including our right as survivors to decide our own healing journey, with or without forgiveness.

The back story on the title change can be found on the post directly below:

Featured Post

Mother, I Don’t Forgive You – Why the Book and Blog Were Re-Titled

In 1992, after nearly a decade of trying desperately to forgive my mother, my life was spinning out of control.   Not only had I failed at f...

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Exclusion

Exclusion still exists in my family.  The details are not important; however, what is noteworthy is that some form of estrangement, exclusion, ostracism, or rejection continues to make the rounds. 

The sad part of the exclusion is that it is such a big part of the fabric of our family that it is accepted as a given - even while silently watching a family member in pain.(see: When Healthy Looks Crazy).

The excluded individual must learn to navigate the pain of rejection on their own.  That is where self-care must come in.  I must keep good boundaries so I don't put myself in situations where I will be/feel excluded.  Unfortunately, watching history repeat itself in the younger family generation is painful. My family seems to believe that the victim of exclusion "should not let it bother them" and continue to put themselves in harms way. Unfortunately, humans are not wired to sustain rejection.

Studies show that experiencing a rejection activates the same part of the brain as when we experience physical pain.   The same research also demonstrates that rejection mimics physical pain so much so that taking Tylenol eases the pain associated with rejection.  Psychologists believe this is true because human evolution has wired our brains to link our survival to our dependance on our inclusion in the tribe.

According to Psychology Today,  Rejection does not respond to reason. Participants were put through an experiment in which they were rejected by strangers. The experiment was rigged—the "strangers" were confederates of the researchers. Surprisingly, though, even being told that the "strangers" who had "rejected" them did not actually reject them did little to ease the emotional pain participants felt. Even being told that the strangers belonged to a group they despised such as the KKK did little to soothe people's hurt feelings. Guy Winch, Ph.D. "10 Surprising Facts About Rejection." The Squeaky Wheel. PsychologyToday.com. 3 July 2013. Web. 7 Sept. 2014.

You can see the whole article here:  10 Surprising Facts About Rejection

Bottom line, our well-being always comes back to boundaries.  As adults the individual alone is responsible for their own well-being.
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