For decades, I heard from friends, relatives,
therapists, and Christians, that I needed to forgive my abusers in
order to heal. This advice – and the attempts I made to forgive without learning to heal or protect myself – damaged me deeply and left me open
to further injury.
Pressuring victims of violence to forgive too soon places an additional burden on the individual that can slow down or damage recovery. Victims need the support of others for protection, validation, and to bear witness to their pain. Often, in cases of abuse, healing and self-preservation must come first!
When I finally mustered the
courage to buck societal expectations; not to forgive; and to put my own
healing and well-being first, I achieved a level of healing that I never
thought was possible. My period of NOT forgiving created the space necessary
to achieve the greatest emotional growth of my life.
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