Were You Expecting to arrive at Heal and Forgive? If so you were re-directed to my new blog.

The Heal and Forgive blog was born out of the publication of my first book, “Heal and Forgive.” I am happy that the blog has been helpful to a robust readership.

After my publisher recently went out of business the book was re-released under the title, “Mother, I Don’t Forgive You,” which is more in keeping with the premise of the book. I decided to re-title my blog along with the book.

I hope you will continue to peruse the posts and join in on the various discussions including our right as survivors to decide our own healing journey, with or without forgiveness.

The back story on the title change can be found on the post directly below:

Featured Post

Mother, I Don’t Forgive You – Why the Book and Blog Were Re-Titled

In 1992, after nearly a decade of trying desperately to forgive my mother, my life was spinning out of control.   Not only had I failed at f...

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Sometimes Not Forgiving is Necessary in Order to Heal



For decades, I heard from friends, relatives, therapists, and Christians, that I needed to forgive my abusers in order to heal. This advice – and the attempts I made to forgive without learning to heal or protect myself – damaged me deeply and left me open to further injury.

Pressuring victims of violence to forgive too soon places an additional burden on the individual that can slow down or damage recovery.  Victims need the support of others for protection, validation, and to bear witness to their pain.  Often, in cases of abuse, healing and self-preservation must come first!
 
When I finally mustered the courage to buck societal expectations; not to forgive; and to put my own healing and well-being first, I achieved a level of healing that I never thought was possible. My period of NOT forgiving created the space necessary to achieve the greatest emotional growth of my life.

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