Mother, I Don't Forgive You: Reconciliation – Taking the Leap – Part Four

Were You Expecting to arrive at Heal and Forgive? If so you were re-directed to my new blog.

The Heal and Forgive blog was born out of the publication of my first book, “Heal and Forgive.” I am happy that the blog has been helpful to a robust readership.

After my publisher recently went out of business the book was re-released under the title, “Mother, I Don’t Forgive You,” which is more in keeping with the premise of the book. I decided to re-title my blog along with the book.

I hope you will continue to peruse the posts and join in on the various discussions including our right as survivors to decide our own healing journey, with or without forgiveness.

The back story on the title change can be found on the post directly below:

Monday, June 9, 2008

Reconciliation – Taking the Leap – Part Four

The following is an excerpt from Heal and Forgive II:

Just as with premature forgiveness, there are certainly dangers associated with premature reconciliation. Healing first is imperative for successful resolution. Many people feel external or internal pressure to reconcile too soon – thereby sabotaging all chances for success.

I’ve heard from people who feel desperate to reunite when a family member becomes ill, their parents age or out of guilt or pressure from others. We may be anxious for reconciliation out of a need to receive the nurturing we have always longed for, or to fill the void. No matter how much we desire reuniting with those from whom we are estranged, our family members may be unable or unwilling to have a relationship.

Unless we have healed enough to move past our anger, the time is not suitable for reconciliation. If we can’t trust ourselves enough to provide our own safety, we are not safe enough to see a parent who has abused us. Reuniting is not possible if we haven’t broken old patterns of behaving and responding. We need to be strong enough to maintain our own boundaries and separate identity, or we run the risk of causing further damage to our psyche.

Before I considered reconciliation, I had to ask myself – has there been emotional growth and change on both sides since last we spoke?

Copyright © 2008 Nancy Richards. All Rights Reserved.

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Book Description

After the death of her father, and her mother’s immediate remarriage to a sadistic abuser, Nancy Richards lived a life plagued with physical and emotional violence.

The powerlessness, pain, and torment she endured ate her up. But, the ultimate gut-punch came when she finally mustered the courage to break her silence, and her words were met with excuses for her abusers, and the admonition that she must forgive. Ouch!

“Mother, I Don’t Forgive You” is a true story of terrifying abuse, and the triumph of healing.

Written with raw emotion and inspirational clarity, this page-turner offers help and hope for anyone who has suffered from abuse, or loves someone who has suffered from abuse.

Book Description

After a childhood plagued with physical and emotional violence and a fourteen-year estrangement from her entire family, Nancy Richards discovers herself at a crossroads. The mother she had both loved and feared as a child reached her by telephone to offer an apology for her abuse and to express a desire for reconciliation.

As she looks into the rearview mirror of her life and at the horrors inflicted by her mother, Nancy must decide whether to risk the safety of her present life or remain an orphan of circumstances. Is there really any reason to go back for more?

Richards takes the reader on an emotional and inspirational journey offering hope that healing from violence in families may be possible.