Majority Rules

Sometimes it is difficult to see ourselves clearly. I read somewhere that the brain can diagnose a problem anywhere in its own body - except in itself!

Sometimes, other people can help give us perspective. A friend once told me, "If someone tells you that you're a horse and you are sure that you are not, dismiss their comment outright. If another person tells you that you're a horse, think about the possibility before you dismiss their words. But, if a third person tells you that you're a horse - start eating hay!"

When it comes to many relationship issues, I believe this is sound advice. For instance, many people had to tell me that I lacked patience before I believed them.

Often, the old adage, "Majority Rules," is true.

However, there are exceptions to every rule. When it comes to abuse and family estrangement, there is a flaw in the typical majority rules theory. Family systems are living, breathing organisms much like the individual brain. They can't diagnose themselves. They often cling to the only thing they know - years of embedded patterns of abuse, enmeshment, and/or control.

Often, when someone tries to break a dysfunctional family pattern, they are in the minority. The rest of the family clings to "status quo" and expresses, "Look, we all agree. There is something wrong with you." Outsiders quickly concur. Majority rules.

I was in the minority in my family - often a painful place to be. But, sometimes, the frustration of living in minority gives way to the healing power of constructing a life free from abuse!