Were You Expecting to arrive at Heal and Forgive? If so you were re-directed to my new blog.

The Heal and Forgive blog was born out of the publication of my first book, “Heal and Forgive.” I am happy that the blog has been helpful to a robust readership.

After my publisher recently went out of business the book was re-released under the title, “Mother, I Don’t Forgive You,” which is more in keeping with the premise of the book. I decided to re-title my blog along with the book.

I hope you will continue to peruse the posts and join in on the various discussions including our right as survivors to decide our own healing journey, with or without forgiveness.

The back story on the title change can be found on the post directly below:

Featured Post

Mother, I Don’t Forgive You – Why the Book and Blog Were Re-Titled

In 1992, after nearly a decade of trying desperately to forgive my mother, my life was spinning out of control.   Not only had I failed at f...

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Go Swimming with a Survivor!

When I first became estranged from my mother, I felt like I was drowning in an ocean of pain.

Suffering from the cumulative effects of abuse and estrangement, I fervently wished my mother would drive up in a boat, and rescue me from the ocean. She didn't.

But, the truth is - nobody could "rescue" me. I had to rescue myself. Authentic recovery meant doing the hard work, and swimming the distance to shore. But, what did happen was remarkable. One by one, people jumped into the ocean and began to swim with me. As I fought the tide:
  • They helped keep me safe.
  • They kept me company.
  • They gave me validation, and encouragement.
  • They shared my experience.
  • Some already understood my struggle; others were interested in understanding, but either way-
  • In essence, they said, "I know this is a huge struggle, and I'm not going to leave you alone. I'm going to swim with you.
I'll be forever grateful!

So, I continue to swim - for myself - and for other survivors.
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9 comments:

  1. mountainmamaAugust 5, 2009 at 10:48 AM

    thank you for your inspiration~ i'm swimming along too~ :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousAugust 5, 2009 at 10:50 PM

    I love the analogy of swimming. I only have but a couple safe people swimming with me and sometimes it still feels lonely. I continue on up the stream.

    ReplyDelete
  3. healandforgiveAugust 6, 2009 at 6:37 AM

    Dear Anonymous,

    When I began my "swim," I only had one or two people in the water with me. As the years went by, I picked up more and more swimmers.

    But, regardless of how many swimmers are with us, it can still feel lonely at times, because ultimately, the work is ours.

    Stay strong,
    Nancy

    ReplyDelete
  4. inamazeAugust 7, 2009 at 10:51 PM

    Well put. It is something that I will keep in mind. I have just recently started letting a chosen few swim with me. I realize that I can only do the work myself but at the same time as much as I want to I can't do it alone.

    ReplyDelete
  5. healandforgiveAugust 8, 2009 at 4:54 AM

    Hi Inamaze,

    So true!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Marj aka ThriverAugust 8, 2009 at 10:13 AM

    What an amazingly wonderful metaphor. Yes, I'm swimming in that ocean of pain myself these days. But, you are right: others have jumped in with me. I am grateful, too.

    Hey this would be great for a blog carnival entry some time.

    Hope you are doing well.

    ReplyDelete
  7. healandforgiveAugust 8, 2009 at 10:49 AM

    Thanks Marj,

    I'm still doing some grief work, but it's healing. I know you've hit a rough patch too. You have my empathy!

    Sometimes the waves are rougher than others, but smoother water is always on the horizon.

    Take care,
    Nancy

    ReplyDelete
  8. mmaaggnnaaAugust 10, 2009 at 6:07 PM

    Hi, Nancy -

    Yes, this is so true . . . and, I'm finding the people I thought would join me haven't . . and people I would have never imagined would, have . . . and "strangers" have come out of the woodwork to swim with me . . . it is truly amazing!

    - Marie (Coming Out of the Trees)
    http://mmaaggnnaa.wordpress.com/

    ReplyDelete
  9. healandforgiveAugust 10, 2009 at 7:38 PM

    Hi mmaaggnnaa,

    I've had that experience too - people I thought would swim with me didn't - and those I didn't consider did.

    And then there are those that I desperately wanted to swim with me - my family. It took me a long time to stop pathologically trying to get them to "swim" before I gave up and just swam with those in the water.

    ReplyDelete

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